Flashback Friday

Since I missed writing a post for yesterday, I decided I would do Flashback Friday today. I'm not even really sure if there is such a thing or if it's what the cool kids do but I'm doing it and I think I'm cool. So yeah. Moving on. I'm going to take you back into time a little bit to January of 2012. I'm going to tell you about a couple firsts I had that month and how it changed me.

So back in January 2012, my mom had a trip planned to go to Chicago for her job. (I don't feel like explaining what she does right now.) Now at this point in my life, I had never, EVER been on a plane. I had also never been above the Mason-Dixon line nor any further West than Kentucky and Tennessee. (I have yet to go out of the country as well.) So my mom had this awesome idea that she would take me on this trip and we would spend an extra day there to explore the city. I immediately agreed because hey, I love adventures.

So I get on my first plane and I'm like nervous beyond belief and excited too. I made mom take a picture of me on the plane because that's what cool people do. She was even nice enough to give me the window seat. I knew she loved me. So we are just chilling on the plane waiting for take off. I'm getting more and more nervous. Why? Well I'm quite terrified of heights. So that was a problem but mom assured me it would be okay. Of course I knew that but I was still having a mini freak out session.

So the plane takes off. I kid you not I held on so tight to my mom's hand, it probably turned white. Granted taking off is cool but that angle gets to me. So we level off and I simmer down. We finally start coming into Chicago after what feels like forever. Can I just say that Chicago is absolutely beautiful from the air? I mean wow. Wish I had a picture of that. So anyway. The landing was way better than I thought it would be. Yay for awesome pilots. 

So we get off the plane and get our luggage and rent our car then head to the hotel before we explore the city. So we do all that and then we go explore the amazing city of Chicago. Now I'm a small town Southern girl. This was my first experience in a true big city. I loved it. Way more than I thought I would. Now before I tell you how the trip changed me, let me just share some pictures with you.

I mean come on, how could you not fall in love with city? Now let me be honest. While I was there, I didn't really fall head over heels. I mean I liked the city and I thought it was awesome and new. But I didn't really think I could live there.

So fast forward to now. Present time. This trip changed me. Has been changing me. I just didn't realize it until now. Like literally, yesterday morning. I have always been an adventurous person. I love new things and I get fidgety being in one place for too long. My father has always told me and other people that I would be the one to fly the nest and that I would be the one to move away from where I grew up, leave the state and be perfectly happy. I would always laugh and say yeah you're probably right. I would dream about one day leaving and exploring but I always felt like it was just that, a dream. Nothing more, nothing less. I have thought about Chicago a lot since that trip, but never really lingered on it. I never really considered it. But i have never really felt like Greensboro was where I belonged. There are even days when Boone can't quiet this desire I have. I just never gave it a second thought because I figured I would never have the opportunity.

Now don't read this the wrong way. I am not planning to move to Chicago. Honestly, I've given up this idea of planning anyway. But now that I am single, I see the world and my future in a whole new perspective. I have always been pretty independent. Not afraid to talk to people or to try something new. Since I'll be graduating in the next year and a half, I've obviously been thinking about my future. I have had multiple talks with some of my close friends, my roommates, my sister, and my parents about my future and my options. Through these talks I have come to the conclusion that I probably won't stay in Greensboro or Boone or even North Carolina very long after I graduate. I have an itch in my soul that spreads into my entire being. I have such a freedom right now. I want to see new things and go to new places. I want to find myself and inspire other young women and maybe even men. 

So what exactly am I saying? Well what I'm saying is something that I have actually literally been saying a lot these days. I would drop everything and pick up and move across the country or even over seas if an opportunity presented itself. No joke. I would be gone. This idea terrifies a lot of my friends and probably even my family a little bit. But you see I'm lucky because my family has been preparing for this for a long time now and because of that, they are really supportive. Sad? Well yes of course but they love me and they want me to be happy. I can honestly say that I feel the Lord preparing me for big changes and for big things. I have a hard time controlling the desire I have to just pick up and leave. Don't think I'm running away though because that's not at all what it is. I just want to live and learn and grow as a person and grow in God. I am getting ancy just typing this post. 

I say all of this to really say just this one thing: the Lord is control and His plans are way better. I don't know for sure where I'm supposed to be but I do know that if I keep trusting God, He will get me there. So Chicago, I might be seeing you again. You stole my heart and I didn't even know it. 

All my love, Carly ♥

Wordless Wednesday

Well this will be mostly wordless. I just wanna recap my life since the last post. So I'm gonna do it in pictures. I'll be back soon with some stories. Promise! Happy Hump Day y'all!!!!

A story of sadness, redemption, and hope.

Hello my loves. I know its Saturday and it should be totally fun but I think its time that I actually talk about what happened to me 4 weeks ago today that caused me to write this post on change and this post on plans. If you haven't read those I would suggest you do that now before you read this one. So you done reading those? Awesome! This post is not going to be anything fancy or geared towards you guys specifically. I am just letting go and writing today. This is me documenting a major event. Also let me just say that as a disclaimer, this post is not meant to be hateful or to cast blame on anyone or to make anyone feel bad. This blog is my safe place and I have a right to put whatever I want on here. Again, this post is not meant to be hateful. Okay enough of that. Let's hop to it.

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Women have this extra sense that I believe we receive at birth. It takes a while however to realize exactly what it does so before we realize we have it ourselves, we call it the mommy sense. Its when you have this nagging feeling all the time about a certain thing that you just know isn't right. Like something is seriously wrong. It's not just this natural sense though, I truly believe God gave this sense to women specifically for a reason. I haven't quote figured out its specific purpose but I'm sure when I have kids one day, I'll understand more.

For a while I had been having this nagging sense in my heart and head concerning my relationship. Like that feeling when you know something isn't right. Very few people knew that I was feeling this way. In fact, the only people who knew were Kenz and my good friend Michelle. So my significant other didn't even know what was going on in my head. I just figured that everything would be okay. Though I told myself that over and over I never actually truly believed it.

The feeling never really stopped. Never really went away. But now I can put a name to that feeling. I know what that feeling is. Its the feeling you get when you think you are about to get broken up with. It was getting harder and harder to get up each day. I was so exhausted. It felt like I could never get enough sleep. I was working so hard. I was tired of being tired. I was tired of being sad. I was so drained physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. But even so I still kept telling myself everything will be fine. I truly believed that. Or at least I thought that's what I believed. Deep down I knew the truth. 

So 4 weeks ago today I reentered the world of singleness. I was devastated. My whole world had come crashing down in the blink of an eye. I was single. Single for the first time in over a year and a half and I didn't know what to do. I called the one person you always call as soon as something like this happens. My mom. I called my mom. Of course I was still sobbing but eventually I was able to utter the words telling her I was now single. And like a great mother and woman of God does she offered to come to Boone to be with me. And of course I said yes. I mean who doesn't want their mom after something like that happens.

I woke up Kenz and I cried on her bed next to her for a long time. My mom and sister arrived a few hours later and by that point, most of the tears were gone. They left later that afternoon and then Kenz and I had a movie marathon. What movie? We started the Harry Potter series because that's the best thing to watch after a breakup. Obviously.

That Saturday was the last time I cried over that relationship. I haven't thought about him much either and that's not to say I don't care about him or how he's doing. Its just that I knew for a long time that it was coming. I had been expecting it. Because of that I was able to move on faster. I still wish him the best in all he does. We were growing as individuals but were no longer growing together in the same direction. It happens. There is nothing wrong with that and its okay to admit that maybe we weren't right for each other in the first place.

I have learned so much from this whole situation. I learned what I do and don't want in a lifelong mate. I learned a lot about myself and about who God wants me to be. Though I was sad and still sad at times, I am so thankful for all of the good memories we shared together. I believe that God redeemed me in this experience. He showed me so many things and I can't wait to share all of those things with you. Here is a quote I found a few days after the breakup on Pinterest. It is so true. I am exactly like this

Here are some things that I learned that I think every woman and man should know. I believe these are things that everyone should remind themselves of, including me, so as to never lose sight of who you are.

If you can't be totally open and honest about what you're feeling in a relationship, its probably time to remove yourself from the relationship. I should have been talking to him about what I was feeling back in May when it started. But I was so scared he'd be mad or would break up with on the spot that I just kept it to myself. That's a no-no. ALWAYS be open and honest.

Never ignore the red flags. Ya know those things that your family or friends say 'whoa that's not okay' or 'hey I don't think that's a good thing' about. Pay attention to those things. They aren't saying it to hurt you or make you mad, they are protecting you and trying to make you look at the relationship and specific situation as a whole. Not just from your perspective but as if you were an outsider looking in on what's happening. It can save you a lot of heartache.

Never compromise who you are. This one is harder for the women than it is for the bros. Why? Because we are emotional creatures and because of that we tend to want to always please. It is also in our nature to be submissive to men. However it is so incredibly important to be submissive but to never EVER lose who you are. I know I am not alone in saying that I struggle with this. When I love, I love really hard which sometimes means I am willing to give up and give in to things way more than the guy is. I know I need to learn how to balance it out. You can be submissive and still be independent. 

The Lord is never wrong. NEVER. Let me say it one more time. The Lord is NEVER wrong. Like ever. He created everything, how could He ever be wrong? He knows what's best and I can promise you that His plans for you are way better than anything you could EVER come up with. Also, His love story for you is so much more beautiful than anything you could ever dream of. Wait on the Lord. He knows when you are ready for a lifelong commitment. Hide yourself in Him and the right man will find you there in God's time. 

I have so much hope in the the future and I can truly say that my hope comes my Heavenly Father. I have hope because I know He holds my future and it is great. My focus is no longer on the Earthly but on the Heavenly. It's time for me to find myself in God again. Let go and let God.

This has been the most difficult post for me to write thus far. I wanted it to sound right and make sense but also not be spiteful or show anger. I have no anger and I am truly happy. I have only had one moment in the past 4 weeks that I had a hard time being single, but other than that I have been great. I am excited to see where God takes me. I want to say thank you to the people that have been there for me throughout this whole thing. You know who you are. I love each and everyone of you. I am so blessed to know you!

Now I'm gonna enjoy my relaxing weekend at the beach. I can't wait to recap it for you on Tuesday! Follow me on Instagram and Twitter to keep up with all the things I'm doing while down in Dirty Myrtle. 

All my love, Carly ♥