Wordless Wednesday

Well this will be mostly wordless. I just wanna recap my life since the last post. So I'm gonna do it in pictures. I'll be back soon with some stories. Promise! Happy Hump Day y'all!!!!

A story of sadness, redemption, and hope.

Hello my loves. I know its Saturday and it should be totally fun but I think its time that I actually talk about what happened to me 4 weeks ago today that caused me to write this post on change and this post on plans. If you haven't read those I would suggest you do that now before you read this one. So you done reading those? Awesome! This post is not going to be anything fancy or geared towards you guys specifically. I am just letting go and writing today. This is me documenting a major event. Also let me just say that as a disclaimer, this post is not meant to be hateful or to cast blame on anyone or to make anyone feel bad. This blog is my safe place and I have a right to put whatever I want on here. Again, this post is not meant to be hateful. Okay enough of that. Let's hop to it.

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Women have this extra sense that I believe we receive at birth. It takes a while however to realize exactly what it does so before we realize we have it ourselves, we call it the mommy sense. Its when you have this nagging feeling all the time about a certain thing that you just know isn't right. Like something is seriously wrong. It's not just this natural sense though, I truly believe God gave this sense to women specifically for a reason. I haven't quote figured out its specific purpose but I'm sure when I have kids one day, I'll understand more.

For a while I had been having this nagging sense in my heart and head concerning my relationship. Like that feeling when you know something isn't right. Very few people knew that I was feeling this way. In fact, the only people who knew were Kenz and my good friend Michelle. So my significant other didn't even know what was going on in my head. I just figured that everything would be okay. Though I told myself that over and over I never actually truly believed it.

The feeling never really stopped. Never really went away. But now I can put a name to that feeling. I know what that feeling is. Its the feeling you get when you think you are about to get broken up with. It was getting harder and harder to get up each day. I was so exhausted. It felt like I could never get enough sleep. I was working so hard. I was tired of being tired. I was tired of being sad. I was so drained physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. But even so I still kept telling myself everything will be fine. I truly believed that. Or at least I thought that's what I believed. Deep down I knew the truth. 

So 4 weeks ago today I reentered the world of singleness. I was devastated. My whole world had come crashing down in the blink of an eye. I was single. Single for the first time in over a year and a half and I didn't know what to do. I called the one person you always call as soon as something like this happens. My mom. I called my mom. Of course I was still sobbing but eventually I was able to utter the words telling her I was now single. And like a great mother and woman of God does she offered to come to Boone to be with me. And of course I said yes. I mean who doesn't want their mom after something like that happens.

I woke up Kenz and I cried on her bed next to her for a long time. My mom and sister arrived a few hours later and by that point, most of the tears were gone. They left later that afternoon and then Kenz and I had a movie marathon. What movie? We started the Harry Potter series because that's the best thing to watch after a breakup. Obviously.

That Saturday was the last time I cried over that relationship. I haven't thought about him much either and that's not to say I don't care about him or how he's doing. Its just that I knew for a long time that it was coming. I had been expecting it. Because of that I was able to move on faster. I still wish him the best in all he does. We were growing as individuals but were no longer growing together in the same direction. It happens. There is nothing wrong with that and its okay to admit that maybe we weren't right for each other in the first place.

I have learned so much from this whole situation. I learned what I do and don't want in a lifelong mate. I learned a lot about myself and about who God wants me to be. Though I was sad and still sad at times, I am so thankful for all of the good memories we shared together. I believe that God redeemed me in this experience. He showed me so many things and I can't wait to share all of those things with you. Here is a quote I found a few days after the breakup on Pinterest. It is so true. I am exactly like this

Here are some things that I learned that I think every woman and man should know. I believe these are things that everyone should remind themselves of, including me, so as to never lose sight of who you are.

If you can't be totally open and honest about what you're feeling in a relationship, its probably time to remove yourself from the relationship. I should have been talking to him about what I was feeling back in May when it started. But I was so scared he'd be mad or would break up with on the spot that I just kept it to myself. That's a no-no. ALWAYS be open and honest.

Never ignore the red flags. Ya know those things that your family or friends say 'whoa that's not okay' or 'hey I don't think that's a good thing' about. Pay attention to those things. They aren't saying it to hurt you or make you mad, they are protecting you and trying to make you look at the relationship and specific situation as a whole. Not just from your perspective but as if you were an outsider looking in on what's happening. It can save you a lot of heartache.

Never compromise who you are. This one is harder for the women than it is for the bros. Why? Because we are emotional creatures and because of that we tend to want to always please. It is also in our nature to be submissive to men. However it is so incredibly important to be submissive but to never EVER lose who you are. I know I am not alone in saying that I struggle with this. When I love, I love really hard which sometimes means I am willing to give up and give in to things way more than the guy is. I know I need to learn how to balance it out. You can be submissive and still be independent. 

The Lord is never wrong. NEVER. Let me say it one more time. The Lord is NEVER wrong. Like ever. He created everything, how could He ever be wrong? He knows what's best and I can promise you that His plans for you are way better than anything you could EVER come up with. Also, His love story for you is so much more beautiful than anything you could ever dream of. Wait on the Lord. He knows when you are ready for a lifelong commitment. Hide yourself in Him and the right man will find you there in God's time. 

I have so much hope in the the future and I can truly say that my hope comes my Heavenly Father. I have hope because I know He holds my future and it is great. My focus is no longer on the Earthly but on the Heavenly. It's time for me to find myself in God again. Let go and let God.

This has been the most difficult post for me to write thus far. I wanted it to sound right and make sense but also not be spiteful or show anger. I have no anger and I am truly happy. I have only had one moment in the past 4 weeks that I had a hard time being single, but other than that I have been great. I am excited to see where God takes me. I want to say thank you to the people that have been there for me throughout this whole thing. You know who you are. I love each and everyone of you. I am so blessed to know you!

Now I'm gonna enjoy my relaxing weekend at the beach. I can't wait to recap it for you on Tuesday! Follow me on Instagram and Twitter to keep up with all the things I'm doing while down in Dirty Myrtle. 

All my love, Carly ♥

Story Time

HAPPY FREAKING FRIDAY FRIENDS! Are you glad its Friday? Cause I know I sure am. I will be heading down to the beach today for a weekend of awesomeness! I'm so excited. Today I am going to tell you guys a funny story. I want to make you guys laugh today, since tomorrow will be another serious post. But who cares about that right now because right now I want to make you laugh.

So if you miss the last story I told about my first college party you can read that here though it isn't required. Today I want to tell you about the time I got hit in the face during a volleyball match.

So I started playing volleyball when I was in seventh grade. I didn't make my middle school team when I tried out but the coach said I had talent and to try and join a recreational team of some kind to get more practice. So that's what I did. I tried out for the Junior Olympic team and made it. So that started my love of volleyball. I played Junior Olympic ball from 7th grade until sophomore year in high school. I also played for my school from 8th grade until my senior year.

I played a setter for all of my school volleyball career and most of my JO career except for one year when I played the libero which is the defensive specialist. I have to admit libero was fun but I didn't like that I couldn't stay in at all times. I know. Spoiled brat. Oh well. Get over it.

So let's talk about my senior year playing school ball. It's one of the first scrimmages of the season. We are away at Western Guilford (I'll never forget it y'all). So the game had just started. I'm on the back row ready to receive the serve from the other team. I'm down and ready. I swear I blink and then BAM! That ball hits me square in the freaking face. I drop to the floor and roll off the court so my teammates can continue to play off my face. I know, I know. That's probably the weirdest thing you've ever heard but I'm serious. You never quit playing. So they actually win the point and then all 5 of my teammates who are actually on the court come to side asking if I'm okay. Clearly we call for a timeout and make sure nothing is broken. Which of course it isn't. Serves to the face don't usually hurt unless you have a killer arm. So really it just shocked me.

However the next time it happened was a totally different story. The next time was actually at a conference game, meaning it was really important. So we are at an away game at Southern Guilford where one of my old JO teammates, let's call her Jen, goes  to school and plays volleyball there as well. Now let me just say that I played with this girl for like 2 years. I know her strengths and I know how she plays. So I'm on the front row closest to the bench. So Jen goes up to spike the ball and as soon as she starts to swing I know something is wrong. She isn't going to be hitting it in the center of the ball. Oh no, she's about to hit it more towards one side. So immediately I back up a little more towards the bench. But it's too late. She makes contact and that ball comes flying at my face at a speed of probably 25 mph or more. I mean this girl knows how to hit a ball. This ball hits my face, specifically my nose, so freaking hard, it knocks me on my butt and sends me flying into my bench.  Like literally I look up and see my coaches face. My teammates were so stunned they had stopped playing. And the worst part? If my face hadn't been in the way, the ball would have been out of bounds.

So I'm staring up at my couch when the pain hits. It's like a shooting pain and I immediately get a headache. Of course though, being the intense, competitive person I am I just start asking if I can go back in and play. Coach says no and the other team's athletic trainer is checking out my nose. Thankfully it wasn't broken. We lost the game and it was sad. I had a headache off and on for the next few days. It was also a little swollen and bruised for the next few days.

Here's the hilarious part. In a paper the next day (I can't remember what paper it was) on the front page of the sports section is a picture of Jen in the air about to hit that ball in my face. The caption? Something to the effect of "Jen preparing to spike a ball at the other team and injuring a player." Like seriously? Sit down with that. I was not injured. I was momentarily unable to play. Jen apologized profusely for like 4 days but I was never mad at her and of course I forgave her.

Looking back now, it is absolutely hilarious. I wish someone had a video of the whole thing. My coach was laughing like 2 minutes after it happened. Ah, memories. Here are a few pictures from my senior year volleyball career. There aren't many but whatever. Enjoy!

Oh dear those bangs. 

Senior night. I still have that poster. All my girls signed it. *tear* Miss it so much!

Make sure you follow me on Twitter and Instagram to keep up with all my shenanigans at the beach this weekend!

All my love, Carly ♥